


Walk It Off

by Mooifyourecows



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Birds, Buckle up, Coffee Shop, Confessions, Dreams, Frogs, M/M, Maid uniform, Rain, Road Trip, Strippers, crazy cat person suga, ducati daichi, each chapter is a new short story, endless possibilities, rated explicit for language and some suggestive situations, runaway groom suga, tagging this is pointless, there is no cohesion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-12 03:10:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mooifyourecows/pseuds/Mooifyourecows
Summary: “So on my chest was this huge tattoo of Meryl Streep-”“What the fuck?” Sugawara whispered.“Holding a flame thrower-”“What the fuck?” Oikawa whispered.“Riding a griffin-”Kenma tried to stand but Sugawara yanked him back down.“And her hair was in corn rows,” Akaashi folded his hands on the table in front of him.“I fucking hate you guys,” Kenma said.--A series of short stories based around prompts given to me on Tumblr.





	1. All in a Day's Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why in the actual fuck am I dressed in a French maid outfit?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I asked people on Tumblr to send me random lines I could use as writing prompts and this is the result.
> 
> I've organized them in no particular order, just however I wanted to post them.
> 
> Some (a fair number) fall into the same universe as my other fic, [Open Tab](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8597737/chapters/19717108) so if you read a chapter that has some kind of ridiculous drunken antic involving Bartender Daichi and Artist Suga and want to read more about that ridiculousness, then go ahead and give the other story a stop.

“I know you’re mad.”

“No.”

“You’re really mad.”

“I’m not.”

“And I know you probably have some questions.”

“Just one.”

Yui let out a sigh and said, “Go ahead.”

Daichi propped his hands up on his hips and glared at her, “Why in the actual fuck am I dressed in a French maid outfit?”

“I know you’re mad,” Yui said again, lifting her hands defensively.

“I’m not mad,” he argued, swatting at the fabric of his  _much_ too short skirt. “I just want answers.”

“Okay, so you know how that street fair is going on right now?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, Boss wants us to have someone walk around, offering samples to the people out there and draw in a crowd to the cafe,” she said. “And so we decided that the person that does it should be the most eye catching out of all of the staff-”

“How the fuck did you come to the conclusion that  _I_ should be the one-”

“Honestly it’s the thighs,” Yukie admitted as she walked up and joined the conversation.

Daichi looked down at his thighs with a frown. The thigh high, lace socks they had given him barely fit over his legs and they squeezed his muscles uncomfortably.

“It’s not  _just_ the thighs,” Yui gave Yukie a pointed stare. “It’s also because you’re the only man working today.”

“And so of course, the only man should be in the dress,” Daichi said dully.

“Don’t be so bitchy about it, Dai-chan,” Yukie patted him on the chest, paused, and then squeezed his left pectoral.

Daichi slapped her hand away.

“Last time one of us went out advertising, we got groped,” Yui said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do you want to send us helpless, weak, fragile lambs out there to the wolves?” She batted her eyelashes.

“If you’re a fragile lamb, then I’m Stevie Wonder.”

“It’s fine,” Yukie climbed onto a chair and slipped a frilly headband into his hair, completing the look. “Just go out there and get attention. Then point them in our direction and we’ll do the rest.”

Daichi sighed and kicked his heel against the floor of the cafe.

“I hate you guys.”

Yukie wiggled, rubbing her fists against her cheeks as she pouted out her lips and whined in a high pitched, mocking voice, “ _Oooohh boo hoo, I’m Sawamura Daichi and I don’t want to wear a dress in public!”_

“You act like I’m being unreasonable,” he snapped. “I think it’s within my rights to be annoyed about having to dress up like a fucking  _maid_ in public. I am a  _man._ Damn it. I have  _self respect._  I like  _sports_ and  _hard liquor_ and… and…  _cars._ I’m a man!”

“Then man the fuck up, get out there, and shake your ass for the customers!” Yukie hopped down from the chair and slapped him on the rear end, sending him stumbling forward slightly.

“Don’t worry about it, Sawamura,” Yui took his arm and led him towards the door, Yukie trailing behind. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

“Yeah,” Yukie grabbed a tray full of cake samples from a table along the way. “All you gotta worry about is bringing in more business than those bastards across the street.”

“Which shouldn’t be hard,” Yui said encouragingly. “There’s no way anyone will be able to resist the appeal of a sexy man in a maid uniform.”

Daichi scrunched his nose.

They dragged him to the front door and then opened it, ushering him out onto the street.

“Here,” Yukie offered the tray and he took it reluctantly. “When you need more, just come back and I’ll fill you up again-”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Yui exclaimed.

The others looked to her.

“What?” Daichi asked, balancing the tray on his hand.

“Look! They stole our idea!” Yui pointed across the street.

Daichi followed her point to the cafe that the girls had deemed their rivals the day it opened six months ago. Standing out front was a beautiful woman with black hair, a shorter woman with blonde hair, and a man.

A man dressed similarly to Daichi, in a mini skirt maid uniform, but with about double the frills of Daichi’s, and black lace thigh highs instead of white. In his pale grey hair was a large black bow, and he also held a tray, upon which were cake samples.

“Cheaters!” Yukie shouted across the street.

The women and man turned in their direction.

“Ugh, they got Sugawara-san to dress up?” Yui groaned. “Not fair!”

“Who?” Daichi stared at the man opposite him as a wide grin stretched across his face and he nudged the woman with the black hair.

“You don’t know Sugawara-san?” Yukie gaped at him. “Oh my god. He’s a total BABE. He’s super nice and cute and makes really good coffee.”

Daichi turned towards her, “You’ve had his coffee?”

Yukie pursed her lips and looked away, “What? I like to drink around…”

“Traitor.”

“Well we’re fucked,” Yui snapped. “Sugawara-san is WAY prettier than Sawamura.”

“But Sawamura has better thighs!” Yukie reached out and groped Daichi’s left thigh.

He swatted her hand away.

“It’s okay,” Yui inhaled deeply and let it out. “It’s fine. Girls will squeal over Sugawara-san’s cuteness, but  _women_  will fawn over Sawamura’s sex appeal.”

“And the men?” Daichi asked wearily, watching as the two other women across the street disappeared into their cafe, leaving Sugawara alone on the sidewalk.

“Sugawara-san will win the tachi and Sawamura will win the neko.” Yukie pinched his ass.

“What does that even mean?”

Yukie and Yui exchanged a look.

“Nothing,” they said simultaneously.

“Alright,” Yui patted him on the shoulder. “Go get ‘em, Tachi.”

Yukie giggled and they fled back into the cafe.

Daichi stared across the street at Sugawara, who continued to stare back. He searched for a hint in the man’s body language just what he thought about being forced to participate in such a circus act. He stood tall, one hip cocked to the side, hand propped up on it as he held the tray up on his other. He looked confident and comfortable, much more so than Daichi.

 _This is going to fuckin’ suck,_  he thought with a sigh. He lifted a hand in a respectful wave.

Sugawara’s mouth stretched wide in a grin and he shifted sideways, lifting one long, sleek leg up, bending at the knee delicately. He then grabbed the hem of his skirt and lifted it, flashing a pair of black, lacy underwear and pale thighs.

Daichi’s eyes widened and his cheeks flamed. He steadied the tray with his empty hand when he almost dropped it to the sidewalk.

Sugawara lowered his skirt and dropped his leg once more. He turned and headed down the street, throwing his head back.

Light peals of laughter floated on the breeze and tickled Daichi’s ears.

 _Fuck,_  he cleared his throat and turned down the sidewalk in the direction of the street fair. 

It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see the original post, then click [Here](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163505698659/why-in-the-actual-fuck-am-i-dressed-in-a-french)
> 
> Thanks for the read, and thanks to the lovely person that sent me the prompt in the first place. I had a lot of fun writing it.  
> (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡


	2. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Suga finds a dying bird."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because SOMEONE (not naming any names) wanted me to write something sad, I guess.  
> Jerk.

Sugawara hugged his knees to his chest, watching quietly as a sparrow stumbled across the sidewalk before collapsing in a heaving pile of feathers. It lifted its head, beak open as it panted, black eyes half-lidded. It looked as if some cat had gotten its claws into it, blood staining the feathers beneath its left wing.

It was probably too late to save it at this point.

“Suga, I got you lemon, is that okay—” Daichi’s voice called from over his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

Sugawara gulped and rested his chin on his knees, “Look.”

Daichi’s footsteps drew near and then stopped at his right side. He hummed softly and then crouched down beside him.

“Poor thing,” he mumbled.

The sparrow glanced at them slowly, body quivering as it lowered to the sidewalk.

“We can’t do anything?” Sugawara asked.

Daichi let out a soft sigh and pressed the bottle of tea to his arm, the cool condensation seeped through the fabric of his shirt and drew goosebumps to the surface of his skin.

“I don’t think so,” he said gently. “I mean… we could try to get him to a vet in time but…”

Sugawara scoffed, “You don’t take a wild bird to a vet unless it’s something big. Like an eagle.”

“Then I guess there’s nothing we can do.”

Sugawara took the tea from his hands and watched as the sparrow’s eyes slowly closed, chest still rising and falling rapidly.

He blew air out through his nose, “We could fry him up and eat him for lunch.”

“Suga.”

“Sparrow and chicken are basically the same thing.”

“Suga.”

“Though there’s probably only enough meat for one person. And not enough to really satisfy. We would need to get real lunch—”

Daichi reached out and stroked his fingers across Sugawara’s cheek, catching the tears sliding down from his eyes.

“Don’t make jokes when you’re crying,” he said in a low voice.

“I’m only crying because I’m so hungry,” Sugawara stood and turned away. “Let’s get some chicken.”

Daichi caught him around the waist and pulled him back.

Sugawara let out a moan, “Daichi, let’s just go.”

Daichi turned him towards the bird once more and they stared down at it quietly.

“You’re sad,” Daichi murmured after a few seconds.

“I’m hungry.”

“He made you feel sad for him. Don’t you think that’s deserving of a name?”

Sugawara groaned and leaned into his side. He untwisted the cap of his tea and lifted it to his lips, staring down at the bird. He drank slowly and lowered the bottle once more.

“It’s depressing. Can we just leave?”

“If you name him, you’ll remember him.”

“I don’t want to remember him!”

“But he made you cry.”

Sugawara leaned his head on Daichi’s shoulder and stared up at him with a scowl.

“He made you cry,” he repeated, softly. “On a Sunday morning, when the sun was shining, as you were hanging out with your favorite person, in a great outfit, on a good hair day… he made you cry.”

Sugawara pursed his lips, “So?”

“You don’t think that’s worth remembering?”

Sugawara clicked his tongue and turned his gaze back to the bird. Its breathing had slowed, though he could see that slight rise and fall of the feathers of its chest.

“Hikari.”

Daichi’s hand stroked gently down his side.

“Hikari?” he asked.

“ _Hikari_ ,” Sugawara straightened and turned away. “His name is Hikari. He probably loved flying and catching bugs. I’ll bet he flew into a few windows in his life. And he had a bit of a wild side, always taunting the stray cats. This time, his teasing went too far and he got caught,” Sugawara lifted his chin. “But he’s gonna die with a smile because that stupid cat actually fell for all his taunting, which makes him way dumber than Hikari.”

Daichi chuckled.

“Okay,” Sugawara strode down the sidewalk. “Enough with the sentimentality. Let’s go eat before I starve to death next to Hikari.”

Daichi caught up with him and wrapped an arm around his waist. He kissed him on the temple and murmured, “Chicken?”

“God no,” he shuddered. “You think I can eat chicken after watching Hikari die right before my own eyes? We’re eating tofu.”

“Hikari would be proud.”

“Oh shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post [Here](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163377956834/suga-finds-a-dying-bird)
> 
> I may put up a huff but I like writing those gross things called "emotions" so I was actually okay with writing this.  
> (*¯ ³¯*)♡


	3. Gotta Get that Ducati D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "With the gorgeous set of thighs straddling that motorcycle he should not have been surprised to see that the rider was Daichi Sawamura."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's gotta know I'm weak for Ducati Daichi.

School reunions were a total drag.

Not that Sugawara had ever been to a school reunion before… but he assumed they were a total drag.

Seeing all the people you used to know- but didn’t really care all that much for back in high school- and acting like you are  _sooooo_ happy to see them?

_What a drag._

There was only a handful of people Sugawara cared to see at this, his first high school reunion. And even though he sorta, slightly, a little bit wanted to see them… he was probably too nervous to actually speak to them.

_How lame._

_I’m so lame._

After all, Sugawara was recently dumped, fired, and evicted.

_So lame_ , he smoothed his hands over the front of his blazer as he walked up the sidewalk towards Karasuno.

_But still cute_ , he gave a firm nod. He was still just as handsome as he had been in high school, even ten years later. Even if he was broke, single, and not really all that ready to mingle.

Maybe Shimizu was still available. Maybe she would see Sugawara and be reminded by how much of a heart throb he had been in his prime and try to pursue him.

_Ha ha_ , he scowled. As if. Even if Shimizu  _was_ single, there was no way she’d go for a born loser like Sugawara.

Maybe if he had actually succeeded in making something of his life… But now… Yeah right.

_It doesn’t have to be Shimizu,_  he amended.  _Anyone. Anyone at all. I’ll be the easiest guy in Miyagi tonight. I’ll even take-_

The loud rumbling of an engine from behind interrupted his thoughts. He turned and stared as a sleek black Ducati rolled up to the curb of the sidewalk in front of Sugawara. His eyes widened as the rider cut the engine and turned a dark, helmeted head in his direction, tinted visor concealing his face.

_I’ll even take…_

_Even take…_

The man reached up and pulled the helmet from his head. He lowered it to his lap and dragged a hand through his short black hair, letting out a sigh.

And really, with the gorgeous set of thighs straddling that motorcycle Sugawara should not have been surprised to see that the rider was Sawamura Daichi.

_I’ll even take Sawamura Daichi._

No, that wasn’t right.

He would  _gratefully_ take Sawamura Daichi.

Daichi smiled, and seriously, he had gotten even better with age. His jawline was harder, attractive black stubble spread over it. He had filled out more, the girth of his shoulders at a truly unfair level. There were pronounced lines in the corners of his eyes, which deepened as the smile journeyed over his entire face.

“Suga,” he said in a low voice. “Been a while.”

Sugawara swallowed and approached him.

“What’ve you been up to?” Daichi asked. “Wow, I can’t believe it’s been ten years-”

Sugawara placed both of his hands on Daichi’s shoulders and held his stare.

“I’m single, jobless, and living in a hotel room.”

Daichi blinked in astonishment.

“And all I want to do right now is ditch this lame get-together and ride you- I mean… your  _bike_ , off into the sunset.”

Daichi didn’t speak, mouth hanging open.

Sugawara slid onto the Ducati behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Your answer?” he whispered in his ear.

“Y-Yeah! Okay!” Daichi snapped back to reality. He offered his helmet and Sugawara pulled it on with a smirk. Daichi cleared his throat and started the bike back up. “That’s cool… that’s cool,” he murmured, turning it around on the street and heading back in the direction he had come.

“I got what I came for anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post [Here.](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163382677134/with-the-gorgeous-set-of-thighs-straddling-that)
> 
> I'll never stop fantasizing about Daichi on a motorcycle. Pry this heaven from my cold dead hands.


	4. A Place to Worship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Suga has a shrine to Daichi's thighs."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel truly blessed to have been given this prompt.  
> Takes place in the Open Tab universe with badmouthing Suga and all his glory.

“Suga, have you seen my-”

Daichi paused in the doorway of the bedroom.

Sugawara shoved something into the back of the closet across the room and then slammed the doors shut. He spun towards Daichi, eyes wide, face pale.

Daichi’s eyes narrowed and he moved slowly into the bedroom.

“Hey… Suga… whatcha doin’?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all. Why do you ask?”

“No reason…” he sniffed, nostrils filling with the strong scent of jasmine. “Are you… burning incense?”

“What? No. Why? Why would I burn incense? What the fuck is your problem?” Sugawara climbed to his feet and let out a deep huff, crossing his arms over his chest. “Fuck, Daichi. You come in here and immediately start slinging accusations at me? Can’t I have a little room to  _breathe_ sometimes? Fuck! You’re suffocating me!”

He stomped across the room and tried to slide past him, but Daichi grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him back.

“Alright. Why are you acting defensive?”

“Defensive?  _Defensive?”_ Sugawara pressed a hand to his chest and let out a gasp of indignation. “I don’t know who you think you are, but you do  _not_ have the right to speak to me that way. I’m so angry,” he shook his head, prying at Daichi’s fingers around his elbow. “I’m so furious… I need to calm down. Release me so I can cool my head.”

“Uh huh, in a minute,” Daichi wrestled an arm around his waist as he started to struggle, reaching helplessly for the door. He lifted him up off of the floor, tucking him under his arm like a football, and then carried him towards the closet.

“D-Daichi… look. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I overreacted. I’m a little moody today, I guess,” Sugawara wiggled in his grasp. “Here. To make it up to you, I’ll suck you off. Yeah. For free. Just go ahead and take me to the bed… or better yet, let’s do it out in the living room. Yeah. I’ll put some TV on and you can watch while I blow you-”

“What’s in the closet, Suga?”

“My gay ass, up until very recently. You remember that, right Daichi? The day I came out because I was so hopelessly in love with you? Actually, now that I think about it, I never really came out officially, did I? Okay here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna call everyone up and I’m going to come out to them. Just to clear the air. Okay?”

“Uh huh…”

“So just go ahead and take me out to the living room and I’ll make the call…”

Daichi stopped in front of the closet and slid the door open.

Sugawara fought against him, “Ah… Daichi. I was thinking. Uhm… So like… let’s go on a date! Yeah! Let’s go on a date! And uh… I’ll buy you nice things. And we will eat at a fancy restaurant, and I’ll let you fuck me any way you want to. You name it. Even boring ass missionary position. That’s fine. Yep.”

Daichi released Sugawara and slid to his knees. He reached into the closet and Sugawara promptly latched onto his back.

“LISTEN. I TRIED TO PLAY NICE. BUT NOW I’M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THE DICK BY FORCE. YOU ASKED FOR IT.”

Daichi batted his hands away and found a large box at the back of the closet. He dragged it forward.

“DAICHI! I’LL… I’LL… I’LL DO THE DISHES FOR THREE WEEKS! I’LL COOK AND CLEAN AND… AND I’LL SUCK YOUR DICK EVERY MORNING AND NIGHT AND IN THE SHOWER AND-”

“You’re starting to sound like Akaashi,” Daichi muttered. He pulled the box from the closet and immediately lifted the lid. Strong smelling smoke wafted up into his face and he coughed.

Sugawara slumped off of his back and curled up in a ball on the floor at his side.

Daichi stared down into the box silently for long seconds, unable to find the words to give in response to the numerous pictures of his thighs plastered all over the inside walls, complete with pink construction paper hearts and yen coins resting over especially worn looking photographs.

After a minute or two, he licked his thumb and forefinger, reached inside the box, and doused the incense. Quietly, he covered the box and replaced it in the closet. He stood and slid the door shut before turning back to Sugawara, who stretched out on his stomach on the floor, face hidden against the hard wood, arms and legs spread wide.

Daichi cleared his throat.

“Suga…”

“… what.”

“… Some things are just best left in the closet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post [Here.](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163383877904/suga-has-a-shrine-to-daichis-thighs)
> 
> Suga should really know that burning incense in a closed box is a fire hazard.  
> How irresponsible.


	5. The Hip, Hip a Hop, and You Don't Stop, a Rock it Out Bubba to the Bang Bang Boogie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, let go of that poor little frog!! Unless you plan to lick it, in that case, hand it over, I'm up to licking anything tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You people are so weird.

Daichi didn’t mind the rain.

He really didn’t.

In fact, he could probably say that he liked rain. It was cool, refreshing, and it smelled amazing.

Maybe Daichi even loved rain.

Except for one small, itsy, bitsy, factor.

And that was that frogs also loved rain. And at every small sprinkle, the little critters swarmed the path in front of his house like it belonged to them. Some even somehow managed to slip into his house, though Daichi had no idea why- if they loved rain so much- they would sneak indoors, out of the humidity.

It was in the entrance of his home that he found the frog this time, hiding in the toe of his shoe.

“Come out,” he grumbled, tapping the shoe against his palm. “Hurry up, I need to go shopping.”

The frog croaked softly and slipped down to the heel of the shoe, beady eyes looking left and right. Daichi scrunched his nose and reached into the shoe. He wrapped his fingers around the cool, slimy body of the critter and then stood, dropping his shoe to the floor.

“Gross,” he mumbled. “Gross. Find your own shoes, Jerk.”

A loud knock on the door directly in front of him shocked a small jump out of him and he let out a sigh before sliding it open.

“Delivery,” a gentle voice sang.

Daichi blinked at the young delivery man standing in the drizzling rain. He wore a grey uniform, soggy cap over his pale silver hair.

“I need you to sign right-” the man paused, eyes drifting down to the frog in Daichi’s left hand. “Hey!” he suddenly barked, pointing at the creature with his pen. “Let go of that poor little frog!” His hazel eyes lifted to Daichi’s face and then grew wide. His voice dwindled out momentarily and then he cleared his throat, pale cheeks tinting pink. “U-Unless you plan to lick it. In that case, hand it over,” he reached up and tugged at the collar of his uniform shirt, “I’m… up to licking  _anything_ tonight.”

He paused and lowered his hand once more turning his head to the side and whispering, “ _Oh fuck that was lame.”_

Daichi stared at him in shock.

“Huh?”

The delivery man turned back to him, cheeks a much darker shade of red now. “Uhh… uhh… I was just… uhm…” he looked down at the box in his hand and quickly lifted it and a clipboard. “I need your signature please!”

“Oh…” Daichi glanced at the frog. “Uhm… alright,” he bent and released the frog. It hopped out of his hand, onto the path next to the delivery man’s feet. He straightened and then gestured for the package and clipboard.

He passed them over quickly, shifting from foot to foot.

“So…” he said nonchalantly as Daichi scrawled his name. “Uhm… you live here… huh?”

Daichi cocked an eyebrow, “Yeah…”

“Cool. Cool… I don’t. But you know… I’d be willing to. To like… help pay rent or something…”

Daichi stared at the delivery man for a long second.

“Are you asking to move in with me?”

He grabbed the clipboard out of Daichi’s hands and laughed unconvincingly, “Wh-what? No! Haha… no way. Uhm… no. That’s not… Uh… I was just thinking… wow. Okay. So…” he took a deep breath.

Daichi balanced his package against his hip and regarded the delivery man with a confused stare.

His eyes darted up into his face, away, and then back.

“I was just thinking…” he mumbled, toeing at the path under his shoes. “I… I have a package you can have. You don’t even need to sign for it…”

Daichi’s eyes widened.

The delivery man let out a loud whine, turned, and fled down the path, calling, “ _THANKS FOR YOUR ORDER OKAY BYE FOREVER.”_

Daichi stared after him for long seconds until he passed through the gate and disappeared from view, leaving nothing but the frogs and rain in his wake.

It took him another full minute to gain his wits about him once more, and when he did, he let out a snorting laugh. His eyes fell on the frog sitting on the cobbled path directly outside his door. It hopped slowly towards the door and then passed the threshold into the house.

Daichi stooped and caught it once more. He held it in front of his face, regarding its dark, beady eyes as its throat engorged, releasing a low croak.

“Sorry,” Daichi murmured. “Still can’t come in.” His gaze drifted off towards the street and he hummed. “But… Bring  _him_ back sometime… then maybe I’ll make an exception.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post [Here.](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163380796129/hey-let-go-of-that-poor-little-frog-unless-you)
> 
> Thanks for the prompt, Babe.


	6. Follow Your Dreams Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Suga and Daichi fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back when everyone was so desperately thirsty they actually tried to EXTORT smut from me.  
> Pathetic.  
> *shakes head in disappointment*
> 
> This one also falls directly into my Open Tab universe.

“Last night I had an interesting dream.”

Sugawara, Oikawa, and Kenma turned towards Akaashi as he made the statement.

“Please, share,” Sugawara clasped his hands politely in front of him on the table.

“I love hearing about people’s dreams!” Oikawa rested his chin in a cradle of his hands, smiling intently at Akaashi.

Kenma let out a low groan, “If this is another dream about Bokuto’s biceps I swear I’m leaving.”

Akaashi was silent for a long moment.

“It’s… not…”

Kenma started to stand but Sugawara dragged him back down.

“Please, continue, Akaashi-san,” he said warmly.

“Okay, so Bokuto-san was doing pull-ups. His biceps were glistening with oil-”

“ _Ughhhhh_ ,” Kenma slumped back in his chair. “Not again. Please, can we talk about something else?”

“I want to hear about Bokuto’s glistening biceps,” Sugawara said.

“Me too,” Oikawa mused. “Iwa-chan is still out of town so I need new biceps to fuel my libido so that when he comes home we can have the best sex of my life.”

“Then why don’t you just think about Iwaizumi-san?” Kenma scowled.

“Well if I tell Iwa-chan I fantasized about other men, then he will get jealous and fuck me even har-”

“Okay, sorry I asked.”

“Actually, I’d like to hear about that too,” Sugawara said.

“Me too,” Akaashi admitted.

“So it’s settled,” Sugawara nodded. “After we are done hearing about Akaashi’s sexy dream, we will hear about how hard Iwaizumi is going to fuck Oikawa when he gets him jealous.”

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

“No deal,” Kenma grabbed his drink and stood. “I’ll be at the counter. Goodbye.”

Sugawara grabbed him by the back of his hoodie and dragged him down to his seat once more. He looked to Akaashi and smiled, “Continue, Akaashi.”

Kenma groaned as Akaashi cleared his throat and began once again.

“So Bokuto-san was doing pull-ups. He was shirtless and was covered in oil. Except his hands, of course. It would be difficult to do pull-ups with oily hands.”

“Very difficult,” Oikawa agreed.

“Maybe even impossible,” Sugawara lifted his glass to his lips and sipped.

“I hate you guys,” Kenma grumbled.

“So this went on for several minutes,” Akaashi and the others ignored Kenma’s growling. “As I was watching, suddenly… these huge wings sprouted from Bokuto-san’s back.”

“Oh man, I bet the pull-ups were so easy after that,” Sugawara’s eyes widened.

“They probably would’ve been,” Akaashi agreed. “But he stopped doing pull-ups. And he started flying around. And then his shorts came off-”

Kenma slumped over the table and moaned into the wood.

“But instead of his normal lower body,” Akaashi went on, “It was the body of a horse.”

“So he was like a…” Oikawa’s brows furrowed. “Centaur… Pegasus?”

“Exactly. So then, this voice echoed all around and it was like,  _He who tames the Pegasus and earns his trust, will become the president of the United States._ And so of course, I don’t care about becoming the president of the United States, but I was interested in taming Bokuto-san.”

“Naturally,” Sugawara nodded slowly.

“So I entered the competition to tame Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said. “Oikawa-san was there too. He wanted to become president of the United States, eradicate capitalism, and become a dictator. And the first law you wanted to put into action was that everyone had to have the same hair as you.”

“Well now, this sounds a little too real to be a dream,” Oikawa lifted his hands in a dainty shrug.

“But Iwaizumi-san didn’t want to spend two hours styling his hair every morning, so he was competing against you,” Akaashi added.

“Not fair!”

“So the competition started, and all these fireworks went off, startling Bokuto-san. He flew away. Everyone went looking for him but couldn’t find him. But I knew where he was.”

“Where was he?” Sugawara leaned forward, eyes bright.

“Let me guess,” Kenma muttered. “He was at the bar.”

“You’re right, Kenma.”

“Ohhhh good one, Kenma!” Sugawara offered his hand to slap but Kenma shunned it.

“So I run to the bar, and there’s a huge hole in the wall. Also, for some reason, the bar was painted neon pink…”

“Because it’s gay,” Oikawa said.

“Really gay,” Sugawara confirmed.

“So I crawled through the hole in the wall and Bokuto-san was standing on the counter. I went up to him and I told him that I was there to tame him. At first, he argued with me, but then I took off my shirt and-”

“Please don’t tell me you had weird centaur sex,” Kenma interrupted tiredly. Dark bags hung under his eyes as he regarded the other man wearily.

“No, unfortunately not,” Akaashi let out a sigh.

“Oh thank god.”

“So on my chest was this huge tattoo of Meryl Streep-”

“What the fuck?” Sugawara whispered.

“Holding a flame thrower-”

“What the  _fuck_?” Oikawa whispered.

“Riding a griffin-”

Kenma tried to stand but Sugawara yanked him back down.

“And her hair was in corn rows,” Akaashi folded his hands on the table in front of him.

“I fucking hate you guys,” Kenma said.

Akaashi ignored him, “And Bokuto-san just started crying. And he turned around and on the side of his horse body, he had a grey marking that looked exactly like the tattoo.”

“This is super romantic,” Sugawara said.

“And then he said he was hungry, so I went into the kitchen…” Akaashi looked to Sugawara, “And Sugawara-san and Daichi-san were in there, making love on the stove.”

“ _WILD_!” Sugawara jumped to his feet. “ _THEN WHAT?”_

_“_ Then… that was it. The dream ended.”

“ _Ehhhhh_?” Sugawara pouted. “No… give me more details about me and Daichi fucking.”

“Uhm… well I only caught a glimpse,” he shrugged. “You were on top of him though… and you were wearing a Tiki mask, but I knew it was you because Daichi-san was like,  _Oh Suga. Suga… lick my buttery nipples…”_

"Wild,” Oikawa muttered.

Sugawara let out a loud whine and stomped his feet. “No fair! Even Akaashi’s dream Suga gets more dick than I do!”

He sat down with a huff, arms crossed over his chest. The table fell silent for a long minute before Kenma muttered,

“I can’t decide what’s more unbelievable about that dream. Bokuto’s wings, his horse body, the Meryl Streep tattoo, the president of the United States thing-”

“Don’t you dare,” Sugawara warned.

A slow smirk spread over Kenma’s lips, “Or the fact that Sugawara actually got laid.”

“Oh fuck you, Kenma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post [Here.](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163416445974/suga-and-daichi-fuck)
> 
> It was a good attempt, anon. I gotta give you that.  
> Someone please save poor Kenma.


	7. Take a Fuckin' Sip, Babes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You took my coffee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one.  
> Good prompt.  
> Nice job, anon.

“Excuse me.”

No. 

Sugawara was  _not_ in the mood.

_Move along. I don’t want whatever you’re selling._

Sugawara ignored the voice and stared down at the screen of his phone.

“… Excuse me…”

_Persistent._

Sugawara pressed his lips in a hard line. He just wanted to drink his coffee in peace. That was what he came to _this_ coffee shop for. It was small, in a dusty corner of down town that few knew about. A tiny, family owned joint without the pomp and circumstance of the coffee powerhouses that ran the town.

He didn’t get up early, travel twenty minutes by bus, and spend three hundred yen on a coconut cappuccino with extra whip just to be forced into some kind of bullshit early morning small talk about the weather or the latest thing the hipsters that usually hung out in a joint like this were interested in.

Sugawara was not in the mood.

But his tormentor didn’t budge.

“Ahem… excuse me…”

Sugawara sat back in his seat and finally lifted his head with a heavy sigh, “What?”

A man that looked nothing like the hipsters Sugawara usually ran into at this specific shop, stood across from him at his small round table in the corner. He was dressed in a pair of exercise shorts, which showed off muscular calves, and a black, sleeveless t-shirt, which did the same justice to a pair of broad shoulders and thick arms. Sugawara slid his gaze up to the man’s face, and crap, he was stupidly handsome along with having an infuriatingly attractive, athletic body.

_Stay strong, Koushi_ , he commanded himself as he regarded the man’s steady puppy-eyed stare and steel jawline.  _Death to small talk._

“Uhm…” the man cleared his throat into his fist.

_Oh jeez. Is he going to flirt with me? Move along, Buddy. I’m not interested. Even if I’m slightly interested._

The man pointed down at the cup clutched in Sugawara’s hand.

“You took my coffee.”

Sugawara blinked up at him quietly for a moment.

_What?_

If that was an attempt at flirting… then it was the sorriest attempt Sugawara had ever had the displeasure of witnessing.

_Let me guess. He’s going to argue with me about me taking his coffee and then later say, “Oh, my apologies. Not coffee. I meant… my heart.” Ew. Not happening. What a shit line. I am so not in the mood for this._

Sugawara crossed one leg over the other and clenched his jaw.

“You’re mistaking me for someone else,” he said.

A tick of confusion crossed the man’s face, “No…” he glanced around the empty shop. “I’m… pretty sure it was you.”

Sugawara sighed, “Look. When I came in here, I was the only one. So the first order should have been mine. I took the first order.”

“I understand your reasoning. And I’m not blaming you or mad at you…”

“Wow, thank you. How generous.”

The man’s left eyebrow twitched and his lips turned down in a tight frown.

“I’m not trying to be rude,” he said carefully. “It’s an honest mistake. I know I’ve grabbed the wrong coffee a few times in the past-”

“I took the first coffee,” Sugawara repeated. “I was the first customer. I don’t even remember you coming in here. Just wait patiently, sometimes they take a while. There’s only one guy working.” He looked back down at his phone, “Now if you’ll excuse me. These memes aren’t going to share themselves.”

For a moment the other man didn’t speak.

But he also didn’t leave.

And Sugawara was  _so_ not in the mood.

Sugawara was just about to demand he leave him alone once again when he asked,

“What did you order?”

“Oh my god,” Sugawara reached up and rubbed his temple. “Listen. I’m not interested.”

“Not… interested? In having the right coffee?”

“I get it,” Sugawara looked up at him. “And I appreciate it. It takes a lot of courage to approach strangers in public. But I’m really not interested. I just want to sit here, drink my coffee, look at my shitty memes, and then leave.”

“That’s fine but-”

“You don’t know how to deal with rejection, do you?”

“Rejection? What rejection? You rejecting my request to give me the coffee I paid for?” His brows furrowed and he crossed his thick arms over his chest, biceps bulging.

“Look, I know what you’re doing,” Sugawara leaned forward. “You saw me sitting here and wanted to talk to me and so made up an excuse to strike up conversation. It’s sweet. But I’m not in the conversation mood.”

“Clearly.”

“So if you understand… then please leave me alone.”

“Take a sip,” the man suggested, gesturing to the cup. “I guarantee that’s not your coffee.”

Sugawara groaned and leaned back against his chair once more. “You are relentless. Listen. I do  _not_ want to date you.”

“Well I’m glad we agree on  _something_  then.”

They glared at each other for a long moment before the man pointed at the cup again.

“Take a fuckin’ sip.”

Sugawara rolled his eyes and lifted the cup to his mouth. He blew into the small opening of the lid momentarily and then put it to his lips and took a sip.

And then started sputtering and coughing, holding the cup away.

“Oh my god, what the fuck is this?” Sugawara pressed the back of his hand to his mouth and regarded the cup with disgust. “Is this just… black coffee?”

“It’s an Americano, actually,” the man plucked the cup from his hand. “Which now has your _Garfield I hate Mondays_  bad attitude all over it.”

“Coconut Cap,” the barista called from across the shop and Sugawara stared as he set a cup down on the counter and immediately turned away to straighten the danishes in their glass container.

Heat rushed to Sugawara’s cheeks and he wanted to sink into the floor. He lifted his hands and pressed them to his face.

“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“In your defense, it was kind of rude of him to make mine first when you ordered before me.”

Sugawara lowered his hands and stared up at the man, who continued to regard him with slight irritation.

“I’m so sorry,” he said in shame. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe how rude I was…”

The man hesitated and then hummed, “Nah… it’s okay…”

“Please let me make it up to you,” Sugawara stood and clasped his hands in front of him. “Please. I feel like a piece of shit. I can’t start my day out like that.”

“Well…”

“I was so rude. I’m so sorry. Let me… Let me buy you something. A… a muffin or another coffee or… whatever you like.”

“It’s okay-”

“It’s not okay. I was rude.”

“Yeah but… I mean… it might’ve been a little rude of me to pay the guy extra to make mine first so I would have a reason to strike up a conversation with you in the first place.”

Sugawara froze.

The man avoided his stare, reaching up and scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

“You…” Sugawara blinked in surprise. “You… planned it?”

“W-well…” his cheeks flooded with color.

Sugawara laughed and punched him on the shoulder. The man winced and rubbed the spot.

“I fucking knew it!” Sugawara exclaimed, pressing a hand to his stomach as he cackled. “I knew it! You were just trying to flirt with me! Bastard!”

“Can you blame me?” he grumbled, staring down at his coffee.

Sugawara giggled and wiped the moisture from the corners of his eyes. He examined the man once more, paying special attention to the endearing way his short black hair stood up in the front.

“M-My name is Daichi, by the way,” the man said. “If… if you were wondering.”

Sugawara snorted into his hand and then grinned up at him, “Suga.”

For a moment they hummed and haahed, avoiding eye contact and shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

Sugawara cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back, “Well… if my terrible personality didn’t scare you away… I’d very much like to buy you that muffin…”

The man met his gaze. Sugawara smiled.

“Ah… well… your personality  _is_ pretty terrible. But…” he averted his eyes once more. “I don’t really scare that easily.”

Sugawara laughed again and moved around the man, touching him gently on the shoulder as he passed. “Wait here then. Is blueberry okay?”

“Blueberry is perfect.”

Sugawara grinned and moved to the counter to fetch his coffee and buy the muffin. As he waited for the barista to fill his order, his eyes wandered back towards his table and met Daichi’s gaze once more, sitting in the chair across from Sugawara’s. He startled at being caught staring, and quickly looked away, cheeks flaming.

Sugawara smirked and collected the muffin when the barista set it down in front of him.

Maybe he was in the mood after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post [Here.](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163495840729/you-took-my-coffee)
> 
> Let awkward Daichi flirt with you, Garfield. I mean Suga.


	8. Pringles Can't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "DAICHI GETS HIS DICK STUCK IN A PRINGLES CAN."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I was forced to write this with MY OWN TWO HANDS.

“I don’t need to know  _how_ it happened…” Sugawara began, staring at the thoroughly ashamed Daichi as he slumped low on the couch, holding a pillow to his face as if in attempts to suffocate himself over the shame of being caught with his dick in a Pringles can.

“No, wait,” Sugawara clasped his hands in front of his mouth, staring at the can intently. “I take that back. I  _definitely_ need to know how it happened.”

“It’s nothing perverted!” Daichi hurled the pillow across the living room, cheeks ablaze. “I swear!”

“Your erect penis is in—”

“ _I know where it is._ ”

Sugawara managed to hold out for another five whole seconds before collapsing to his knees in a fit of laughter.

“Shut up! Shut up!” Daichi slumped over on the couch.

“ _HAHAHAHAHA_!” Sugawara leaned against Daichi’s left knee and stared at the can, tears sliding down his cheeks. “ _What the fuck? What the fuck, Daichi? I was gone for three hours. What the fuck?_ ”

“It’s not my fault!” he straightened, glaring down at him. “Those  _bastards_ were over here and—”

“Wait, which bastards?” Sugawara wiped the tears from his cheeks, giggling.

“Who the fuck do you think? Tooru, Bokuto, Kuroo, and the fucking meme twins.”

“Ahhhh…” Sugawara leaned his head back. “My favorite bastards!”

“Anyway, those fuckin’ dickheads  _roofied_ me—”

“Bastards  _and_ drugs? You guys have all the fun without me!”

Daichi groaned and shifted on the couch, wincing. “No. Listen. Those fuckwads slipped me some goddamn  _Viagra_ —” he paused when Sugawara fell to shrieking laughter once more, disappearing in front of the couch. When he quieted once more, Daichi went on, “They gave me some fucking Viagra and then jumped me and put it on and left!”

“Daichi, you have a Pringles can on your—”

“ _I know where it is._ ”

Sugawara’s head poked up from the ground, but he disappeared again after catching sight of the outrageous situation once more.

“ _Suga,”_ Daichi whimpered. “Stop laughing… get it off…”

Sugawara sat up on his knees and braced his hands against the insides of Daichi’s thighs.

“Oh my fucking God, Daichi. Jesus. What the  _fuck_.”

“ _Stop._ ”

“How?” Sugawara leaned close and examined the can. “I mean… I’m not saying you’re small… but you’re not at Pringles can girth. How is it—”

“There are still chips inside They’re digging in—”

“ _PFFFFFFFFFFFTT!_ ”

“Suga!”

Sugawara fell back on his ass, kicking his heels against the floor as he clutched his stomach and cackled towards the ceiling.

Daichi gritted his teeth, “Fuck it. Fine. Fine,” he pushed up to his feet, holding the can awkwardly in his hand as he moved slowly across the living room. “Fuck it. I’m just gonna fill it with water and get them all soggy—”

“I love you! I love you! Sawamura Daichi I love you!”

Daichi tried to ignore Sugawara’s insistent cries in between his uncontrollable, screeching laughter, but in the end couldn’t resist returning the proclamation.

“I love you,” he muttered. “Shut up. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post [Here.](http://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/post/163379074954/daichi-gets-his-dick-stuck-in-a-pringles-can)
> 
> This is such bullshit but I kind of love it. Thanks for the prompt, you animal.


End file.
